Seven tips for perfecting the basic blow job

Figuring out oral sex can be a little challenging for some reason, especially for those of us on the hetero end of the spectrum. If you don’t have the same genitals as your partner, figuring out what sort of moves are most likely to get the most traction can be a bit of a mystery without some feedback and experience. Feedback, in particular, is super important. Unfortunately, many of us are a little hesitant to provide honest feedback. We’re so happy that our partner is giving us any kind of attention down there, that the last thing we want to do is say something that might be taken the wrong way and cause them to stop trying. And let’s face it, trying to be articulate and tactful when your genitals are inside someone’s mouth isn’t always easy, regardless of whether or not things are going well.

So, let’s take a few minutes to talk about blow jobs when we aren’t in the middle of one.

And, as always, here’s a required disclaimer: different strokes for different folks. Ultimately, you’ve got to get your partner to give feedback and communicate what he likes and doesn’t like. And, not all guys like blow jobs, regardless of technique. It’s not necessarily you, so don’t obsess over it. Hopefully, others will chime in with their tips in the comments.

1. Watch the teeth

This might go without saying, but be mindful of their potential to do more harm than good during oral sex. Though, some guys do like feeling a bit of tooth-scrape (so I’ve read), I think it’s safe to assume they don’t until you’re told otherwise.

2. More contact means more stimulation

A vagina form-fits snuggly around a penis to make 360-degree contact with all the super-happy nerve-rich surface at the same time. More contact means more stimulation happening at once. (…just one of the reasons why vaginas are one of the best things ever.) A mouth, on the other hand, is obviously a little different. The amount of contact that is being made is all under your control—think tongue and cheek muscles. (More on this on tip #7.) Although selective contact can be interesting and provide some variety, keep in mind that the more soft, warm goodness that slides over his sweet spots, the more he will feel. And speaking of sweet spots…

3. Keep the pressure on the sweet spots

Penises have “zones”. Some have higher nerve density than others, and each feels a little different when touched. The underside of the penis is where the real magic happens though, and conveniently, assuming both of your are right-side-up, that’s where your tongue is hanging out. The sweet spots include the frenulum, which is the sweetest spot located just below the head on the underside of the penis, the underside and lower-sides of the head itself, and the shaft area just below the frenulum. You’ll get the most traction by keeping the pressure and friction against those spots in that order of priority. Random movement such as gentle, light tongue-flicking might be great for foreplay, or may look awesome in a porn, but it’s typically hard to build up much real credit towards an orgasm by doing that.*

4. When something is working, stick with it

It takes a little experimentation to figure out exactly how to push your partner’s buttons, but once you get feedback that whatever you’re doing has got some traction—be it a gasp or deep breath, gentle bucking of the hips, or some positive verbal feedback—keep it up. It takes a consistent duration and rhythm of something that feels particularly good in order to build up to an orgasm. Switching things up too drastically can send your partner (and you) back to starting line. We may see people trying every trick in the book in porns, but that’s because it makes for something interesting to watch. In reality, consistency is more effective. If you hook him with something good, there’s a good chance you can take him all the way with it.

That’s not to say that some creative moves, especially at the beginning, can’t be wonderful, just remember to quickly switch back to what was getting a reaction if you want to keep things moving forward. Likewise, when one or both of you is ready to take it all the way home, my recommendation is to shelve the tricks and stick with what you know is working for him.

5. Take breaks without losing progress

As important as it is to not stop when something is good, sometimes you just have to take a break. Plus, a few breaks can be really good for the blow job recipient as well, especially when you return to doing exactly what you were doing before that felt so good. But, what you do during a break is important. Consider one of two things.

a: Use your fingers to give some attention to a secondary zone of the penis, such as just below the top of the head or near the base, and allow the sweet-spots a few moments to rest and begin to crave more of what you were doing before you paused.

b: Keep things moving forward (and keep the penis warm) with your hand, but by using a light, gentle grip—a level of pressure similar to your mouth. What you probably* don’t want to do is take your partner suddenly from the sensual feeling of your mouth to a (comparatively) cold, tight-fist hand grip. It’s jarring to try to acclimate back and forth, as we talked about in tip 4.

6. Love the balls

Caressing your partner’s balls is to a blowjob as ketchup is to french fries—it makes a great thing even better. (Actually, it’s also great during handjobs, Fleshlight-jobs, or…really, pretty much anytime.) Although the scrotum is sensitive and physical touch is appreciated, the real pleasure is mental. As you’re probably aware, a guy’s balls are extremely vulnerable. As if trusting your teeth near his penis wasn’t putting himself in a supremely trusting position in the first place, to have his balls literally in your hand puts him in a position of total vulnerability. In essence, it puts him in both a physical and mental state of being completely unguarded and in your care, which enables him to surrender completely to the pleasure you’re gifting him. It’s hard to describe, but it makes you feel the physical sensations more deeply.

7. Don’t stop when you reach the finish line

The orgasm is the goal, but it’s not the time to stop. What you decide to do at the onset and during his orgasm is what will determine whether or not a particular blowjob will be ingrained in his memory for the rest of his life. The best case scenario for the BJ recipient is usually going to be for you carry him through his orgasm exclusively by means of the oral action. In other words, being allowed to ejaculate in your mouth while you continue to stimulate him during the orgasm is what makes a BJ feel magical at the end.

Did you know that the front, top, and sides of the head of the penis become almost painfully sensitive during an orgasm? There’s a biological reason for that: it compels the male to thrust deep inside the vagina and hold still while he ejaculates. If he tries to move too much during the orgasm, it almost hurts. This ensures that the sperm are deposited as close to the egg as possible so that they have a better chance of reaching the egg. (Nature is amazing, isn’t it?)

What makes a BJ so special at the point of orgasm is that if the person giving the BJ is able to reduce contact with the top, front, and sides of the head of the penis, yet also apply stimulation to the underside of the penis, the recipient is able to enjoy active stimulation all the way through the orgasm, which lengthens the orgasm and makes it feel more intense. This is the type of orgasm that leaves a guy with shaky legs. As awesome as regular PIV (penis in vagina) sex is, the BJ orgasm can be something truly unique.

Ideally (I’ll speak for most guys, here), this would be able to happen in your mouth because…well, it just feels amazing. Plus, as much as we can do for ourselves, the vast majority of us can’t do that for ourselves. However, if you happen to be one of those people who absolutely can’t accommodate that part of a blow job and need to finish your partner with your hand instead, follow the advice in tip 5, part b, but also be mindful of how the head of a penis becomes super sensitive during an orgasm. Keep the focus below and under the head during the orgasm, and it should be quite a spectacular show.

* Disclaimer: People’s preferences and results may vary. The best advice is to communicate.

Any questions, tips of your own, or differing opinions?

By all means, please contribute a comment!