Stop calling it “junk”

Junk? I don’t have junk. Maybe you have junk, but not me. I’ve got the good stuff.

It’s time to stop calling genitals junk. Yeah, it was kind of funny for a while and we had a few laughs, but it’s getting old and the fact of the matter is that nothing could be further from the truth. Genitals…you know, your package, your penis+balls combo, your vagina (we’re talking to the ladies here too—I’ve heard some of you call your good stuff “junk” and that talk has got to stop now)…your genitals aren’t junk. There are parts of our bodies—men’s nipples, the appendix, tonsils, and wisdom teeth, to name a few—that really are mostly useless. But our genitals? Next to the vital organs, that whole package is one of the best things we’ve got going for us.

5 damn good reasons to call genitals “good stuff” instead of “junk”:

1. They are totally multi-purpose

Can you think of any other body part that serves such diverse purposes? Ears? They’re just for listening. Eyes? Just for seeing. Genitals? We use them to pee, get off, create new life, and to affirm our genders. That’s like using a blender to cut the grass, write a resume, turn the moon on and off, and make a damn good margarita. Yet you call your very own genitals junk?

2. They seem to have minds of their own

What body part, other than a penis, will just change size and shape all by itself on a whim? If your ears worked like a penis, you could be sitting in class or in a meeting and suddenly, for seemingly no reason at all, your ears would just start inflating until they were three or four times the size they were when you walked into the room—earlobes hanging down to your shoulders. Annoying or embarrassing as it can be for that to happen sometimes, a body part that does that is way too amazing to call junk.

3. They bring you joy and good feelings

Because orgasms (duh) and all the good feeling stuff that can be done to genitals in order to make an orgasm happen. Just add your own hand or someone else’s, a vibrator or a Fleshlight [NSFW], or mash them up with someone else’s genitals [editor’s note: you mean, have, sex?] or whatever…and wow—joy. You call that junk? You’d just toss that out? Throw that zero-cost, zero-calorie, anytime-you-want-it kind of pleasure and joy out the window as if it were…junk? Seriously?

4. They bring others joy and good feelings

If used right, they can do for someone else what they do for you—make good feelings happen. Just think about your boyfriend’s package, the sweet spot between your girlfriend’s legs, your husband’s bulge, your wife’s perfect happy fun zone—do their special places do something nice for you? And you call that junk? Maybe you’re just kidding, but karma’s a bitch. Don’t chance it. Call it something good. Literally, call it “the good stuff” if you’re too bashful to call it what it is, but don’t call it junk.

5. They can create new life

What other words are related to “genitals”? Lets see…”genesis”, “genetics”…what’s that? Latin? Genitalis—pertaining to the generation or birth? Whether you want to make babies or not, between your legs sits one half of a powerful hand-of-God baby-making system. Your genitals can be used to make another human being if you want to—or by accident. (With great power comes great responsibility.) You can’t even buy a machine for any price that can do that. Not a 3D printer, not an expensive toaster oven…nothing can match that capability, and certainly nothing that could be called junk. Whether you’re planning to have kids or not, you have to admit that’s not the work of junk.

Say it with me now as you point between your legs, “That ain’t junk, baby—that’s the good stuff.”

In all seriousness, give it some thought. Let’s quit referring to any part of our own bodies or of those that we love as “junk”. If you like it, call it what it is—the good stuff.