“Oops! Wow, um…that was quick. Sorry about that.”
Yeah, it happens sometimes to just about all of us guys now and then. If you’ve landed on this article and you’re looking for solutions, you’ve probably got one of three things going on:
- Young, dumb, and full of you-know-what.
No, you’re not really dumb, but you’re young, relatively new to the sensations of sex, you get overexcited, and pop off just when the fun is getting started.
- Just got a little too excited. Nothing to worry about.
It happened once or twice after a long dry spell or with someone new, and you’re freaking out just a bit.
- Genuine chronic premature ejaculation.
You’re quite experienced in sex, this happens all the time no matter how often you have sex and no matter how long you’ve been with your partner.
First thing’s first—make it up to your partner immediately.
If you take nothing else away from this article, here’s the most important thing right up front: It doesn’t matter whether it was a random fluke or if climaxing too quick is a chronic problem for you, you can go from 3-pump chump to total champ by immediately making it your mission to get your partner off by take whatever amount of time is needed and using whatever means necessary—hands, fingers, tongue, toys, or every trick you know all at once.
For the young and excited:
If you fall into the first category, give yourself a break and relax. The fact of the matter is, if you’re relatively new to the sensations of sex and, up until recently, you’ve only known the feeling of your own hand, a few “oops” shouldn’t be a surprise. Sex is a powerful feeling and experiencing premature ejaculation when you’re just getting used to it is pretty normal. So, just relax and enjoy. As long as you follow the most important rule—making sure your partner gets off too—you have nothing to feel bad about. And if you’re the partner of a newbie who is experiencing this, just give him a little bit of time and enjoy how your body is blowing his mind. He’ll probably develop some stamina if you keep at it.
Fleshlights—the fun way to learn to last longer in bed:
Consider investing in a Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit STU [NSFW]. It’s a Fleshlight (sex toy for guys) that is designed specifically to help you build up some staying power by allowing you to “practice” with levels of pleasure and stimulation during masturbation that are closer to what actual sex feels like. You already understand how much more incredible sex feels than your own hand, which is why you hit your orgasm too quickly. The Fleshlight STU also feels much more pleasurable than your hand and therefore allows you to experiment and learn on your own as often as you need to without pressure or embarrassment. The Fleshlight STU is actually engineered to deliver a bit more stimulation than what you feel during sex. The theory being that if you can learn to last in the Fleshlight, you’ll be able to last during real sex as well. Plus, it just makes for better masturbation. It’s a win-win. It also includes a booklet that coaches you through the stamina training process.
For those in the second category—you blew it with someone new or after a dry spell:
In a word, chilax. You really shouldn’t even be searching for answers to this problem yet. Of course you’re excited. Again, follow the golden rule of premature ejaculation—make sure your partner gets off after you do, no matter what and no matter how long it takes—and try again next time.
If you want to play it safe, consider a quick solo masturbation session a few hours before you think there’s a chance you’ll get lucky again. This is fairly tried and true advice that guys have been abiding by for years. By now, you probably know how long it takes you to recover from a solo session, so use what you know about your own body to time it right. And this should go without saying, but especially if you rub one out a few hours before your date, be sure to put on a fresh pair of underwear before heading out.
If your stamina doesn’t improve naturally over time, move on to the next section or check out the Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit (STU) mentioned in the previous section.
When it’s chronic:
For some guys, it’s definitely not a case of being new to sex, nor is it due to the excitement of ending a dry spell or having sex with a new partner—it happens all the time, no matter what, and it can be very frustrating for both partners. There’s no exception on the golden rule of dealing with premature ejaculation though. The first thing you can do to help you and your partner is to make sure your partner gets off no matter what. There are many ways to satisfy a partner even if your penis goes out of commission—no excuses.
There are several practice activities that professional sex therapists recommend individuals and couples try in order to overcome premature ejaculation. Give these a shot, but keep in mind that just because you are working to improve upon something doesn’t mean that these activities have to be thought of as clinical rehab sessions. These activities involve touching, stimulation, pleasure, and human contact. They can be fun and pleasurable in their own right, so relax, enjoy, and have fun while you work on this. Don’t act like you’re being forced to go to rehab.
The “start and stop” method
This is sort of like “edging” during masturbation, except with a partner providing the stimulation. Edging is masturbating right up until you feel like you’re going to climax, and then stopping the stimulation for a while, and then starting up again lightly and repeating the cycle trying to sustain that sweet spot right before the orgasm as long as possible. Each time you feel like you are building up to an inevitable orgasm, you either discontinue the stimulation or reduce it to just enough to stay aroused and feeling good. For the “start and stop” method, you need your partner to provide the stimulation in the form of a hand-job or possibly even using a toy such as a Fleshlight, so that you are actually communicating with your partner verbally and so that you aren’t in full control of the stimulation. If you are doing it yourself, it’s easier to naturally taper off as you feel the orgasm near. If another person is providing the stimulation, it requires a much more concentrated and deliberate effort to stop the stimulation. (Plus, it involves your partner which is a healthy thing.) When you and your partner are ready for your orgasm, allow your partner to take you all the way there.
Eventually you should become more in tune with the sensations and rhythms that bring on an orgasm, and learn how to start and stop. In some cases, during sex, you may stop intercourse for a while and stimulate your partner with your fingers, tongue, or a toy until you feel like you’re back under control.
The squeeze method
This is very similar to the stop and start method, but rather than just stopping the stimulation when you feel an orgasm building up, your partner squeezes the head of your penis for several seconds and then stops stimulation for about 30 seconds. This is sort of a second level after the stop and start method because there is still contact between you and your partner after the stimulation stops. This can help you learn how to start and stop while you are in your partner so that you don’t have to withdraw completely.
Other things to try
For the very same reason that so many guys don’t like condoms—they can reduce sensation, they can be helpful for guys who are having premature ejaculation issues. If you are experiencing premature ejaculation and aren’t using any condoms, consider starting with a very thin, “sensitive” type of condom that is designed to allow guys to feel as much sensation as possible. This little bit of barrier might be just enough to stave off early orgasms without losing so much of the intimate sensation enjoyed without condoms. However, if you are experiencing premature ejaculation and are already using condoms, try switching to a thicker condom such as the original old school Trojans.
Topical desensitizing creams
There are several topical desensitizing creams and “climax control” lubricants that feel sort of like Benzocaine (Orajel tooth pain releiver) to the penis. As a matter of fact, Benzocaine is the active ingredient Trojan’s Climax Control lubricant in their “Extended Pleasure” condoms. We’d recommend these as a last resort though because they can be a little too effective—sometimes even causing a female partner to become numb from the Benzocaine as well, which just compounds the problem.
Talk to your doctor
Finally, although premature ejaculation is not a recognized medical condition, if it continues to negatively impact your sex life and your relationship, talk to your doctor. Some anti-anxiety medications make reaching an orgasm difficult for some people. This is often considered a negative side effect for people who don’t have a problem with premature ejaculation, but might be considered helpful for those who do have a problem with premature ejaculation, especially for those who are experiencing a lot of anxiety over their sexual performance.